All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
