My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
