he was CRYING into my vagina
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
