Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
