are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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