Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
