dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
