I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
