Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Randomize
