I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
