i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
