Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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