I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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