They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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