do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
