Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
