Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
