hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
