Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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