i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
