Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
