I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
