Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
