Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
