If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
