I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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