No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
