Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize