She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
