I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
