i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
