he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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