Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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