That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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