I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
