I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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