Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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