we're chasing vodka with high fives
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
