And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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