My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
high people should be assigned attendants
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
