Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry BMW88 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(202): View more from Washington, DC

if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think

Fav 30 1788 1478
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up

Fav 27 3094 5218
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(828): View more from North Carolina

finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...

Fav 12 858 4844
share tweet
(626): View more from California

Dignity is for republicans.

Fav 39 5243 1930
share tweet
(631): View more from New York

if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org

(516): View more from New York

.org?

(631): View more from New York

yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.

Fav 8 3280 1041
share tweet
(641): View more from Iowa

Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.

Fav 4 1900 1018
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(904): View more from Florida

Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.

Fav 3 1041 557
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(206): View more from Washington

I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.

Fav 0 44 25
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(954): View more from Florida

So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?

Fav 0 37 5
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT