how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize