a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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