I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
