i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
