And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
