I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
