Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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