I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
