When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
