One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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