I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
