we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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