ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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