My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize