I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
