you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
