Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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