I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
