You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
