Slut skills are useful in every country.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
