so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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