everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
