On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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