Buhtt sex?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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