And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
