Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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