just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
