Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize