im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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