I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
