is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
