im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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