Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
