we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
