is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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